Vulnerability and Friendship

Last week was strikingly difficult for me. I let myself get overtaken by negative feelings. It could have been described as a feeling of doom, hopelessness and alienation. I am no nihilist, but it certainly felt like I was at the end of myself; but not dead yet. There’s war waging in Syria and I see people lose their loved ones, but fuck, I have lost the capacity to care. That’s a bad sign, it’s the first sign of apathy. It might be hypocritical to feel bad when other people are worst off, but we also know that pain is relative to your life experience. Therefore all suffering can be as intense depending on what you have gone through in your life.

In all truth I am very good at suppressing these feelings. When I grew up my dad said it was weak to cry. Naturally I learned from him and never displayed my emotions. It can seemĀ  like a stoic superpower, but later in life I realized it had nothing to do with stoicism and caught me off of any meaningful relationship. These past two years I have been trying to become much more in line with my feelings. Not only acknowledging them, but to give them space. It felt alien and unmanly. What did I have to lose? Fuck it, “When you keep doing the same things, you keep getting the same results.”(said I). Therefore, if I didn’t like the results I needed to change my ways. Not the worlds ways, but mine. I’m responsible for my attitude, for the way I respond to life.

This is where Brent comes in. Brent is someone I met a few months ago at the boxing gym. I don’t know what we talked about the first time we met, but I quickly figured he was a genuinely good dude. It was the case. Brent is someone you can talk to without choosing your words. I would tell him exactly how things were in my life and in my head and he showed acceptance and understanding. I can count less than five people that I have known in life that show the hidden qualities that Brent is displaying every time I see him. Writing this, I realize I’ve never even thought about his age either. He’s the kind of guy who could befriend anyone. I keep thinking that when Morpheus gave him the choice, between the blue and the red pill, he took the red pill and never looked back. We’re gonna need more people like Brent in the coming future. Thanks friend.

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