Last Friday I was training at the boxing gym with a guy I will call Bobby. Bobby is probably in his early 40’s, I’ve known him for as long as I have been boxing. I respect him because he is involved and he is no slacker. He has to deal with his weight on a daily basis and I have seen him make huge improvements. Respect.
Back in the day I would have the reflex to fend off most recommendations, but today I realize that people who give you tips care for your progress. As I trained with Bobby I became more aggressive and reckless. It showed in my punches, my muscles got tenser and my movements were now mechanical. It happens in the ring too. I throw vicious hits that have no precision or any intention. They are basically useless.
Bobby lectured me about remaining calm and compared boxing to chess. It should be calculated and intelligent. I half-heartily applied myself with a calmer mindset, but the damage was done. It got me thinking and thinking about all sorts of things. Until I realized that my boxing also reflected my life. I’m spreading my efforts all over the place and wasting my energy forcing things through instead of taking a step back to be smarter about my endeavors. Last Saturday I spent 6 hours fixing a bike and I made many mistakes that could have been avoided had I given it a little bit of thought.
This feeling sucks, and it’s mine. I realize that my parents are healthy and that I don’t have any external crises, all I have to do is be responsible for myself and that already feels overwhelming at times. I can imagine how easy it is to lose your internal compass when decide to be responsible for other people as well.
Over the next few days I’m going to look at the different roles I play and see where I should cut down so that I can focus on what matters. I’ve done a lot of helping lately, but I think that I could have saved myself by rejecting a few proposals.
I’ve done this before, but I think that aside from working on a philosophy of life, it is also important that I review my decisions on a weekly-basis. Right now, I’m simply running through the fog with no sense of direction or purpose.
It isn’t all that bad, I am productive, but I need to funnel this productivity a little better.